Passionate and companionate love
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In the psychological literature, a distinction is often made between two types of love.[1] Hatfield and Walster define:[1]
- passionate love as "a state of intense longing for union with another. Reciprocated love (union with the other) is associated with fulfillment and ecstasy; unrequited love (separation) is associated with emptiness, anxiety, or despair"[1]
- companionate love as "the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply entwined."[1]
Passionate love is also called romantic love in some literature,[1][2][3][4][5] and is sometimes called being "in love"[2] or compared to infatuation[6][1][7] and limerence.[1][8]
Companionate love is compared to strong liking or friendship love,[2] and is sometimes called attachment.[6][9] Companionate love is sometimes considered the same as the attachment referred to by attachment theory[5] or different[2] depending on the author.
Characteristics[edit]
In the Passionate Love Scale (PLS) form, Elaine Hatfield & Susan Sprecher define the components of passionate love as:[1][10]
- Cognitive
- Intrusive thinking; preoccupation with the thoughts of the partner.
- Idealization of the loved one and the relationship.
- Desire for knowledge: to know and be known by the partner.
- Emotional
- Attraction to the other; pleasant feelings for the other when things go well.
- Ambivalence or negative feelings (emptiness, anxiety, despair) when things go awry.
- Longing for reciprocity.
- Desire for "complete union," permanency.
- Physiological (sexual) arousal.
- Behavioral
- Actions aimed at determining the other's feelings.
- Serving and helping the other.
Passionate love is more intense in the early stage of a relationship and often fades over time.[6] Companionate love is felt less intensely and often follows after passionate love in a relationship.[4][8] Both passionate and companionate love contribute to relationship satisfaction.[2]
Note that while Elaine Hatfield originally described passionate love as having a component of sexual attraction,[1] contemporary authors generally agree that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are separate things.[3][9][5][11]
Infatuation and attachment[edit]
A 2012 study by Sandra Langeslag and others determined that while the PLS is commonly used to measure passionate love, some of the questions actually measure companionate love as well.[7] Langeslag developed a questionnaire to measure slightly different constructs, which she refers to as infatuation and attachment:[7] She describes them like this:[9]
Infatuation is the overwhelming, amorous feeling for one individual that is typically most intense during the early stage of love (i.e., when individuals are not (yet) in a relationship with their beloved or are in a new relationship). Attachment, on the other hand, is the comforting feeling of emotional bonding with another individual that takes some time to develop, often in the context of a romantic relationship.
Infatuation is analogous to passionate love,[6] and the questionnaire asks about:[7]
- staring into the distance while thinking of the beloved.
- getting shaky knees while in the presence of the beloved.
- feelings for the beloved reducing one's appetite.
- thoughts about the beloved making it difficult to concentrate.
- being afraid that one will say something wrong while talking to the beloved.
- getting clammy hands while near the beloved.
- becoming tense while close to the beloved.
- having a hard time sleeping because of thinking about the beloved.
- searching for alternate meanings in the beloved's words.
- being shy in the presence of the beloved.
Attachment is analogous to companionate love,[6] and the questionnaire asks about:[7]
- feeling that one can count on the beloved.
- being prepared to share one's possessions with the beloved.
- feeling lonely without the beloved.
- feeling that the beloved is the one for them.
- the beloved knowing everything about them.
- hoping one's feelings for the beloved never end.
- feeling emotionally connected to the beloved.
- the beloved being able to reassure them when they are upset.
- the beloved being the person who can make them feel the happiest.
- the beloved being part of their plans for the future.
Infatuation and attachment co-occur, so one can feel them together at the same time, or feel infatuation strongly and attachment weakly and vice versa.[7] Langeslag found that infatuation is more associated with negative emotion than attachment, and tends to decrease after entering a relationship, while attachment tends to increase.[7] Participants who were not in a relationship scored the highest on infatuation.[7]
Duration[edit]
Passionate love is said to last about 12 to 18 months[12] or 18 months to 3 years,[4] depending on the estimate. However, companionate love is thought to decrease very slowly over the course of several decades.[6]
A popular hypothesis suggests that passionate love turns into companionate love over time in a relationship,[1][2] but other accounts suggest that while companionate love takes longer to develop, it is important at the beginning of a relationship as well.[2][5]
Biology[edit]
Passionate and companionate love are thought to be interrelated, but involve different brain systems and serve different purposes.[3][5] Passionate love is thought to have evolved for mate choice[13] or to initiate a pair bond,[5] while companionate love is for maintaining a pair bond,[5] maintaining close proximity and affiliative behaviors.[3]
Passionate love is primarily associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine.[3][13][5] Companionate love is primarily associated with the neuropeptide oxytocin,[3][5] and sometimes vasopressin[3] and endogenous opioids.[5]
Passionate love is sometimes compared to an addiction,[1][12] although there are differences.[14] People in the early stages of romantic love share similar traits with addicts (for example, feeling rushes of euphoria, or craving for their beloved),[12] but this tends to wear off over time, while the condition of a drug addiction tends to worsen.[14] Anthropologist Helen Fisher has suggested romantic love is a "positive addiction" (i.e. not harmful) when reciprocated and a "negative addiction" when unrequited or inappropriate.[12]
See also[edit]
- Biology of romantic love – Biological and neurochemical basis for thoughts, feelings and behaviors of romantic love
- Eros (concept) – Ancient Greek philosophical concept of sensual or passionate love
- Infatuation – Intense but shallow attraction
- Limerence – Romantic love, the state of being in love, lovesickness or even love madness
- Love addiction – Pathological passion-related behavior involving the feeling of being in love
- Obsessive love – Excessive desire to possess and protect another person
- Passion (emotion) – Feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something
- Romance (love) – Type of love that focuses on feelings
- Storge – Familial love, natural or instinctual affection to one such as a family member
- Unrequited love – Love that is not reciprocated by the receiver
External links[edit]
- The Passionate Love Scale at Helen Fisher and Lucy Brown's website.
References[edit]
- ^ a b c d e f g h i j k Hatfield, Elaine (1988). The Psychology of Love. Yale University Press. pp. 191–217. ISBN 9780300045895. Archived from the original on 2024-05-25. Retrieved 2024-05-16.
- ^ a b c d e f g Berscheid, Ellen (2010). "Love in the Fourth Dimension". Annual Review of Psychology. 61: 1–25. doi:10.1146/annurev.psych.093008.100318. PMID 19575626.
- ^ a b c d e f g Fisher, Helen (October 2002). "Defining the Brain Systems of Lust, Romantic Attraction, and Attachment". Archives of Sexual Behavior. 31 (5): 413–419. doi:10.1023/A:1019888024255. PMID 12238608. Archived from the original on 18 February 2024. Retrieved 18 February 2024.
- ^ a b c Bode, Adam; Kushnick, Geoff (11 April 2021). "Proximate and Ultimate Perspectives on Romantic Love". Frontiers in Psychology. 12. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2021.573123. PMC 8074860. PMID 33912094.
- ^ a b c d e f g h i j Bode, Adam (16 October 2023). "Romantic love evolved by co-opting mother-infant bonding". Frontiers in Psychology. 14. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1176067. PMC 10616966. PMID 37915523.
- ^ a b c d e f Langeslag, Sandra (13 February 2023). "Is it love or infatuation? This relationship questionnaire will help you tell" (web). Today (American TV program). Retrieved 5 June 2024.
- ^ a b c d e f g h Langeslag, Sandra; Muris, Peter; Franken, Ingmar (25 Oct 2012). "Measuring Romantic Love: Psychometric Properties of the Infatuation and Attachment Scales". The Journal of Sex Research. 50 (8): 739–747. doi:10.1080/00224499.2012.714011. PMID 23098269.
- ^ a b Lehr, Nick (10 October 2016). "Limerence: The potent grip of obsessive love" (web). CNN. Archived from the original on 31 May 2023. Retrieved 5 May 2024.
- ^ a b c Langeslag, Sandra (2024). "Refuting Six Misconceptions about Romantic Love". Behavioral Sciences. 14 (5): 383. doi:10.3390/bs14050383. PMC 11117554. PMID 38785874.
- ^ Hatfield, E. & Sprecher, S. The passionate love scale. In Fisher, T. D., C. M. Davis, W. L. Yaber, & S. L. Davis (Eds.) Handbook of sexuality-related measures: A compendium (3rd Ed.). (pp. 466-468). Thousand Oaks, CA: Taylor & Francis.
- ^ Diamond, Lisa (Jan 2003). "What does sexual orientation orient? A biobehavioral model distinguishing romantic love and sexual desire". Psychological Review. 110 (1): 173–92. doi:10.1037/0033-295x.110.1.173. PMID 12529061.
- ^ a b c d Fisher, Helen; Xu, Xiaomeng; Aron, Arthur; Brown, Lucy (9 May 2016). "Intense, Passionate, Romantic Love: A Natural Addiction? How the Fields That Investigate Romance and Substance Abuse Can Inform Each Other". Frontiers in Psychology. 7: 687. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00687. PMC 4861725. PMID 27242601.
- ^ a b Fisher, Helen; Aron, Arthur; Brown, Lucy (13 Nov 2006). "Romantic love: a mammalian brain system for mate choice". Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society. 361 (1476): 2173–2186. doi:10.1098/rstb.2006.1938. PMC 1764845. PMID 17118931.
- ^ a b Zou, Zhiling; Song, Hongwen; Zhang, Yuting; Zhang, Xiaochu (22 September 2016). "Romantic Love vs. Drug Addiction May Inspire a New Treatment for Addiction". Frontiers in Psychology. 7: 1436. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01436. PMC 5031705. PMID 27713720.